Coming Back to Myself - My Kambo Experience

Apr 28
4 min read

A few weeks ago, I had my first Kambo* experience.

*Kambo is a traditional Amazonian practice using the secretion of a tree frog, often used to support deep physical and emotional release, and a sense of reset in the body. See more at the end.

But to be honest, this isn’t really a story about Kambo, it's a story of many parts.

Some of you know, the last 12 to 18 months have knocked me to the core.

In ways that people around me knew about… and in ways they didn’t.

(You can read more about it here if you wish).

If you’d asked me how I was - which people did, because they knew things had been hard - my answer was usually something like:

“I’m fine… and also... I'm messy as fuck.”

Because both were true.

I was functioning.

I was holding things.

I was still showing up.

And underneath that, I was struggling to come back.

The bits I didn’t expect

I put on weight - in a way that genuinely shocked me.

I started smoking again, whaaaaat?!

Which I never thought I’d do.

There were behaviours creeping in that didn’t feel like me.

Or maybe they were me… but parts of me I hadn’t seen in a long time.

At the same time, I wasn’t collapsing.

I was doing enough - the work, the tools, the awareness - to keep myself out of full shutdown.

But I wasn’t coming all the way back to myself either.

I was somewhere in between.

Letting someone hold me

In January, I started therapy for the first time in my life.

That, in itself, was big.

I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years, but by the end of last year it didn't feel wise going it alone any more.

And if I’m honest… I've had an interesting journey with it.

Sometimes it felt unnecessary - digging into the past.

Not actually shifting anything in the present.

I was regularly questioning whether to continue, but now it feels like an important piece of the puzzle.

The moment something clicked

During one of my Monday New Pathways sessions I run, something landed.

Not intellectually - viscerally.

I realised my subconscious felt like it was being punished.

All the charts.

All the goals.

All the “you need to sort this out.”

Lose the weight.

Get back on track.

Fix it.

It had become tight.

Restrictive.

And everything I know - everything I teach - is that tightness doesn’t create change.

It creates resistance.

In that moment, I saw it clearly:

I wasn’t supporting myself.

I was subconsciously controlling myself.

So something shifted.

I started approaching myself differently.

With a bit more space.

A bit more kindness.

The Kambo Experience

This same week, I had a Kambo session booked with my friend David, it had been in the diary for a little while.

And when I went into it, it wasn’t from a place of “fix me.”

It was from a place of: let me reset… gently.

The session itself was… strange, and oddly elegant (?!)

There’s no point dressing it up - there’s purging.

But it wasn’t chaotic.

It felt clean.

Contained. And strangely uneventful.

It lasted maybe 30 to 45 minutes.

The person I did it with left glowing - bright-eyed, energised.

I, on the other hand, felt a bit wrecked.

I got into bed and onto the Shakti and slept for a bit.

That night, I cried to Iain. Again. Still unsure.

And then something shifted

The next day… something was different.

And I’m aware this is the bit that’s hard to explain.

But all the different parts of me - the ones that had felt scattered, resistant, fearful -

had seemingly come together.

Not in a dramatic, fireworks way.

Just… alignment.

The patterns were still there.

“Oh, this has happened - go and eat.”

“Oh, this has happened - go and numb.”

But there was another voice.

Clear. Calm. Certain.

“No. We’re not doing that.”

And it wasn’t harsh.

It wasn’t controlling.

It was… loving. It was a voice that made me smile.

What stayed

Over the next few days, those old impulses got quieter.

And then they stopped showing up in the same way.

Not because I forced them out.

But because something underneath had shifted.

The moment I knew

A few days later, I was running a retreat.

Someone who had seen me through some of the hardest points of the past 18 months asked:

“How are you, Steph?”

And with a big breath and a wide smile, I said:

“You know what… for the first time in I don’t know how long - I am... gooooood.”

And I meant it.

What I actually think this was

I don’t think Kambo “fixed” me.

I think I was ready.

I had already started softening.

Letting go of the grip.

Changing how I was relating to myself.

And Kambo met me there.

It helped my system let go of toxins for sure, but also some less precise things it had been holding onto.

Not by force.

But because, finally, it felt safe to.

If you’re in that place

If you’re in that in-between space…

Where you’re functioning but not really there,

where you’re holding it together but not coming back,

I get it.

Deeply.

And I think sometimes the shift isn’t about doing more.

It’s about changing how you’re holding yourself while you do it.

If you would like to experience Kambo, check out our Under The Stars Retreat, 2-7th June

More information about Kambo

Kambo is a natural substance that is known to have detoxifying effects on the body, mind and soul. The substance is the secretion of the giant monkey tree frog (Phyllomedusa bicolor).
The Kambo frog is native to the majority of the Amazon rainforest and is worked with by many native tribes.
It is not recorded how long Kambo has been used in the forest, it is speculated that it is for millennia.
Kambo is amongst the most potent Analgesic, Antimicrobial, Anti-inflammatory and detoxifying substances known to science.
Kambo detoxifies on a cellular level, this is due to the bioactive peptides.
Frogs don't secrete Kambo in captivity.
Kambo is served in a ceremony context.

Read David's ebook here