It’s been a funny few weeks being away in Newcastle, Manchester and Leeds. I’ve dropped my routine and I’ve been really poorly. The easy thing is to head down into chaos, something I would’ve done in the past. To say “all my hard work was for nothing coz I’m back where I started”. But that’s not true, is it?!
I feel weak and fatigued. My body is sore. And my mind feels like mush. All of those things tend to make me crave junk and sugar and I have a pull to disappear into the sofa. Which makes me feel worse.
I’ve stopped. Checked in. And listened. What my body needs is gentleness and compassion. It needs water, nutritious food and fresh air.
So I’m catching myself. I’ve reached out. I’ve returned to an old friend Free Writing to start my day and I’m doing the things I know will help me rebuild and bring the spring back into my step:
Daily intentions (ie a chance to make some mindful choices)
Cleared my space
Reach out to connect with people I know will fuel me (we danced)
Outside little and often - moving at a speed that's right for my body
Taken work and Facebook off my phone
Sorted PT sessions with Lucy and been honest about how my body is and asked her to help with accountability
Logging my food (gently)
Breathing and stretching
Lit a calming candle (jasmine & rosewood) to help me be focused with my work
Showered and put proper clothes on
and and and...
I benefit deeply from routine. I used to say I hated it, that it suffocated me. But really it’s one of the things that keeps me safe and able to listen and honour myself. Already with a couple of days of routine back in place I’m feeling safer and more steady.
The reality is that for years I've fed the "bad wolf" - the part of me wanting to shut down - I've fed it with food, with horrible words, with avoidance tactics. But I choose differently now. I choose to stop, to listen and feed the rest of me with the stuff it really needs.
I wonder if you’ve checked in with you today? How do you want your day to go?
If you fancy working with me, you should absolutely come to do my Mastering Me Retreat.
my brain and
a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other
now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends